and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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