Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
