HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize