i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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