Only a mothe r could love this liver
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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