I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
