just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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