I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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