I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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