It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
