Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
50% drunk capacity currently
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
