She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
