i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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