Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
