My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
