you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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