Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
