Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
