last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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