saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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