it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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