Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?

Fav 39 2631 3393
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!

Fav 23 830 4818
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(847): View more from Illinois

So did the night end well for you?

(248): View more from Michigan

I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text

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(404): View more from Georgia

So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.

Fav 28 1534 6265
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(954): View more from Florida

First date: that requires underwear, huh?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

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(226): View more from Ontario

Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16

Fav 3 33 100
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(631): View more from New York

I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww

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