nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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