I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
