I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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