his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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