It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
