I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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