am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
