is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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