my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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