His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
