there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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