I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
