Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
im on a boat
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