The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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