she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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