Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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