question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
