im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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