I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
