why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
