A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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