My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
smell my finger.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize