she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
