Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
