Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
