Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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