Non-Jews are for practice
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
