YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
