she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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