Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
