you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
