I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Randomize