I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
