I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
