And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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