it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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