Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
