How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
