The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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