He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
