Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
