I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
