how can u be prego again
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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