I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
