you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
