My liver just broke up with me...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
