My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
