I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wear drunk well.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
