Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
