Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
